Coming Home to Yourself

A Journey Worth Taking

 by Melanie Keveles, MA, Certified Life Coach         

There is a world inside of each of us. An unseen world. Sometimes we may feel lost in that world. Sometimes we may feel lost to that world. No matter. No matter where we are in our lives – the outward trappings of our lives, at some point in our lives we will return home – like the prodigal son – and be welcomed to ourselves with open arms. We will find that the belief or beliefs that have been running our lives have been unraveled and no longer have sway over us – we are home free.

For example, let’s say that we have lived most of our lives from the belief “I’m not good enough.” Debbie Ford, author of The Secret of the Shadow: the Power of Your Whole Story suggests that most people operate at one time or another from a variation of this belief. So the belief can be said to be universal. And let’s say that this belief is operating below conscious level – although at crucial periods in life the belief may surface enough to be conscious and obviously in control of our lives. Having an “I’m not good enough” demon operating below decks is much like having a software program running in the background that is sucking the life out of your computer, draining important energy, but seemingly not being accessible.

With such inner play going on, a person may experience life in a pattern of going around in circles – starting projects, but running out of steam before long. It’s like driving a car with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake – he may want to achieve something, but will keep on getting tripped up by the belief that is in effect running his life – “I’m not good enough …. to accomplish that.” By running out of steam, the person actually gets to prove the belief to be right. What may appear to be procrastination, may be the outward effect of an inward feeling of not measuring up.

How many of us have lived such lives of quiet desperation? Having such a low grade dysfunction allows us to operate seemingly normal lives – contributing to society, our families, and our communities. But with such beliefs running us, we don’t get to exercise the genius that is within us.

According to Dr. Bernie Segal, author of Love, Medicine and Miracles, people are addicted to their beliefs. And like addicts, we don’t surrender our beliefs lightly. But there are tools available that enable us to unravel the beliefs that are running us.

One such tool is the “inquiry” work offered by Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is. I have been using this simple, yet profound tool with clients as well as myself and am constantly amazed at the insightful, lasting and seemingly instant changes that occur in people when they come face to face with the understanding that they are a product of their beliefs. Once they recognize the control they have over their beliefs, they can quickly give up the dysfunctional ones that have been causing them pain and derailment towards the lives they would prefer to live.

When Byron Katie’s tool becomes universally recognized and utilized we will have a revolution in unhooking belief addiction that is equivalent to the revolution in sobriety that has occurred as a result of the widespread use of the 12 step model!

Let’s try out this Byron Katie approach with the belief, “I’m not good enough.”

Katie has four basic questions. She suggests that you either write the process down or speak it through with a friend or a coach. The process is ineffective when you just try to think it through in your mind.

“I’m not good enough.”

1. Is that true? (first question) – if you answer yes to this, then you go on to the second question. And for those of us “addicted” to our beliefs, we may find we need to probe a little more deeply.
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (second question) – this is a grand question because it helps cut through the “make believe” of the belief. We begin to see that what we have held as gospel – may actually be a lot of hogwash. Busted!
3. How do you react when you think this thought? (third question) – this gets us to consider the cost of thinking this belief that we have actually made up – we see what a price we pay for thinking this dysfunctional thought. Each of us reacts differently – but whether we are sad or angry or depressed – we realize that our reaction to this thought is taking a toll on us.
4. Who would you be without this thought? (fourth question) – this gives us a chance to daydream about what our lives would be like if we didn’t think – “I’m not good enough.” We get a glimpse of what is waiting for us outside this perspective. Once we have a taste of such liberation, it is difficult to go back to the original belief. The thought has been unraveled and it’s hard to put the mantel back on our shoulders – the shirt doesn’t fit anymore.
5. Finally – we are asked to turn this belief around – to look at its opposite. To see it from the other side or alternative perspective – “I’m not good enough” becomes “I’m good enough.” Is that true or truer? Having stepped outside of ourselves, we can see that our game is over. We have to admit it – that new belief is just as true – if not truer than the one that was running our life.

And so the software program runs out of power – we are home to ourselves – we are whole and fit and can begin to look at the world as a safe place where we belong and where our genius is needed – required. And if we find that we are still straddling two worlds – the world of dysfunctional belief and functional belief – we can go back through this process again and again – until it has brought us back to the true reality – we come home to the reality that there is nothing the matter with ourselves – and never has been. This is a starting point from which anything is possible for ourselves – we can be or achieve anything we put our mind and hearts to – we have come home to our true gifts.


 © 2003. Melanie Keveles, all rights reserved

Melanie Keveles MA, CPCC, Certified Professional Life Coach. Melanie is a "dream champion," working with people who are tired of living their lives on hold and willing to get into action; people who want to change career direction, start a business or publish a book.

Melanie has been a career and outplacement consultant, trainer and writer for more than 20 years. Melanie's initial session is FREE.

Contact her for an appointment via email at mkeveles@chartermi.net, by phone at 715 394-4260, or via the Web at www.onlinecoaching.com.

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